Secrets of the world government

Today, I'll be telling you a little story about an employee that I affectionately call "The Crazy Hipster".

The Crazy Hipster is probably in his late fifties, but looks older due to his gray hair and gray stubble, which always looks like he forgot to shave for about a week. He has serious dental issues and has one eye that is always slightly askew. He typically wears a very conventional sweater and khakis, but always wears a creepy long brown trenchcoat over it.

Now, some of you may think that I use the word "crazy" pejoratively. Please keep reading. I truly mean it in the bona fide, clinical sense. This person is someone who, if you saw him on the bus, you would think that he spends his time wandering the streets and talking to aliens in his mind. You would think this before he even opens his mouth. Alas, it gets worse.

The Crazy Hipster has told me the following:

- He was trained in ninjitsu by the CIA.

- He knows the true story of who killed JFK, but can't tell me because he will be killed.

- He can see auras. My aura is, apparently, "lemony".

- He can use ninja healing arts to easily cure any illness.

- He is being closely monitored by the executives at my company.

- The Illuminati, the Mafia, and the Skull and Bones society are in fact one organization that controls the world.

There's much more, but I can't remember it all.

The Crazy Hipster likes me, because I'm friendly to him and I will talk to him without getting angry. He likes talking for long periods of time to the supervisors who aren't rude to him. I kind of enjoy it, though after about twenty minutes it gets old. He really likes to imply how intelligent he is and how much he could turn our company into a fantastic business, if only we would let him, because he has a master's degree, and has advanced theories about the nature of everything, and so on.

I wonder if he realizes that we will never promote him, because he is crazy.

The Crazy Hipster is very careful to not do anything that can get him fired. Even though he is crazy, he does do his job, and so we are stuck with him and all of his weirdness. I must confess that I would probably miss him if he left, though -- he makes the job interesting.

Plus, I'm looking forward to him telling me more secrets of the Illuminati.

fnord