The difficult one

I took one of the worst callbacks today that I've ever had. Actually, it was probably the worst. I wasn't particularly looking forward to it after looking at the notes on the account. The last representative used to be on my team and now is a senior agent who assists others with escalated situations. I know her as being extremely calm and unemotional, and never one to let a customer bother her. She had put in the notes that he was very rude, which is pretty much as bad as you can get in our system, as, due to executives having access to the system, you need to play nice.

I called the guy as soon as I got the callback in my hand. Unfortunately it was a few days old, for whatever reason, but probably due to the fact that we're extremely busy and short-staffed on teh supervisor level. Of course, the guy was quoted 3 business days, but he didn't understand that this didn't include weekends, because we're open weekends. (I guess I can understand that, but it doesn't work that way; we have only one supervisor in on weekends.)

In any case, the guy was very upset that he couldn't split up his payment in the way that he wanted to, and upset that his package got there earlier than expected. Not late, early. He was mad because we shipped two packages six weeks apart -- as he requested -- but the second one got there in a few days, whereas it should have probably taken three weeks the way it was sent. This made him very upset because he felt we should be able to time it so he gets them exactly six weeks apart.

I tried to explain a lot of different options about shipping and payments, but he would have none of it. Every one of my suggestions elicited a "This is just ridiculous!" tirade, which of course I've heard many times before. Of course it's ridiculous that you can't do whatever you want and that we don't have every possible option available.

Predicably, he soon started taking it to a more personal level. This happens suprisingly often; my CSRs are routinely told that they will be sued personally by the customer, or that the customer is going to have them arrested, or even just personal insults about their intelligence or choice of occupation. In this case, he started to bitch about how on earth I could possibly work for such a terrible employer, and one that was so terrible to their customers by getting them there faster than they paid for, and how ashamed I should be, and by the way, why did it take so long to call him back?

I said, "Sir, I'm sorry for the wait, but we answer callbacks in the order received. I just received yours this morning and I called you as soon as it was handed to me. I apologize, but sometimes it takes a little while to get through the system."

"So you're telling me you have been busy for a week and you didn't have time to call me?"

I sigh inwardly.

"No, sir, I'm not saying that at all. As I mentioned, I just received this. I understand you put it in last week, and I apologize -- "

"I can't believe that you expect me to believe that you were busy all week and couldn't call me!"

"No, sir, I don't expect you..."

"I think it's ridiculous to wait three days, and it was longer than that!"

"Sir, I understand your frustration, and again, I apologize for the wait. Was there anything I could do for you or go over with you to resolve this situation?"

"This is ridiculous! Everything with you people is terrible!!"

"I'm sorry to feel that way, sir." (My voice starts to get a little shaky due to frustration.)

"You're not sorry, you're laughing at me!"

"I'm not laughing at all, sir--"

"What is your name?" he says, threateningly, and I'm expecting the 'I'm going to make sure you get fired' speech. I'm not particularly afraid, just tired of this call. Due to his account history and several sparring matches with well-respected agents, he's not credible enough to get me in trouble.

I tell him my first name, which I had told him at the beginning of the call and also on the voice mail that I left for him that morning. He starts laughing.

Now, I have a rather uncommon first name, but certainly one that most Americans would be familiar with, due to being used in several sitcoms. It's very short and easy to understand. I have no idea why he's laughing.

"I can't believe this!" he screams furiously, and hangs up. Perhaps he thought I was lying, I'm not exactly sure. Or maybe it was his ex that turned him into an angry little man. I'd like to think so. Either way, I wrote down a detailed account of the call, just in case he does decide to make my life difficult by getting to someone up in the company who doesn't know or trust me.

I think I'll check his account from time to time. I'm sort of curious what he'll say if he calls back. Unreasonable customers' versions of events are always hilarious.

One amusing one: "Customer said that (supervisor's name) screamed profanities at them." Yeah, sure, none of the CSRs that sit three feet away their supervisors would notice that!